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godspeed! [Feb. 2nd, 2008|10:23 pm]
from the hours of 9-2 I had a good day.
the rest was just lame, fer realzz..

got up this morning,
hella stoked to be home.
now all I want to do is go back to last night,
cuddling with the cuteboy in mimi's.
hands all over,
mmm love.

let's see...
today the feliu's (and cuteboy and austin) took me home.
then I did laundry
and then I ran errands.
all in all, it was a good morning.
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oh, I can't control myself. [Jun. 10th, 2007|10:20 pm]
[mood |sadsad]
[music |good toooons.]

I hate summer sometimes.
it's like, I think too much cause I'm alone a lot. and when I think I just think about how my life could be way better.
which is true, but also so not true.

I feel like I'm so demanding, and yet, I feel like I deserve everything I demand.
I'm just a spoiled brat.

um, I hate my dad.
like really.
he's just a big dick, in so many ways.
I don't know how I'll deal with being around him for much longer.
I don't know, I have a lot of frustration in my life towards him.
sometimes I wonder if therapy would help, but I don't think I would be comfortable talking to someone.
I dunno.
it's like, I feel like he's spying on me, all the fucking time.
I don't know how to deal with this shit.

on a lighter note, new red head in my life.
I have a thing for red heads, I guess.
but um, he lives in oregon, soon to be new mexico.
which sucks.
we clicked, though.
it sounds lame, cause we haven't met.
god, i sound childish. I'm sorry.
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what! [May. 5th, 2007|10:00 pm]
ooh baby,
I love that redhead.
and I will see him again, very very soon.
as in saturday.

so excited.
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paved paradise. [Apr. 26th, 2007|08:31 pm]
[music |counting crows]

mmm. I love this song,
but I just became overwhelmingly sad.

it's ridiculous.
seriously, cuteboy is a meanie and is dating a freshman.
it's shitty, she's not even coming back to orme next year.
I need to stop fallin' for guys. it never works out.
ummm. anyway, I don't know what else to say.
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dear cuteboy, [Apr. 20th, 2007|11:12 pm]
[Current Location |happy stonerchristmas.]
[mood |so freaking sleepy.]
[music |john mayer.]

why are you so adorable?
I would like to thank chelsie for the phrase "cuteboy." seriously, I've used it forever, and totally stole it from her.

I'm really excited for sunday,
but mostly,
I'm just excited that this week was pretty much amazing.
as usual.

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don't fall in love with diamond rings. [Apr. 15th, 2007|10:29 pm]
[music |polyphonic spree.]

seeing him so happy in the picture,
makes me want to die on the inside.

just because I should be that girl,
not her.
especially because I love her
and I know that she is ten times as amazing as I am.
oh tormented soul,
stop this nonsense.

I know better than to do this to myself.
I just can't bear the thought of him with anyone else.
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come walkin' over. [Mar. 30th, 2007|10:10 pm]
Indiana by the Meg and Dia Band is amazing.
seriously, such a good song.

but anyway,
I don't know if I mentioned, but he said yes, for sure!
seriously, he hadn't said anything, but like five people had said he would say yes...
so like, thursday, everyone was like, "marygray, today is the day, ask him about it. seriously, do it!" and then chloe was trying to get me to go over to her lunch table to talk to them, and I knew that it was about him.
I couldn't.
so before anatomy, I asked Chloe what she wanted at lunch and she said: I was trying to get Josh to say something about prom, but he got really mad at me. Seriously, you have to say something to him, he's too nervous to say anything, but he really wants to go with you.
so then, I was like, ahhfhhhahh! and all through latin, I was like, okay, when I see Josh next passing period, I'll just ask him.
anyway, he was walking across the field, and I saw emmy and I was like, I'M GUNNA DO IT!!! and then I saw Chloe, and Sable, and I was like: DON'T TALK TO ME! I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM! and Josh was lookin' pretty scared and like, wtf??
so I walked up to him and I was like....
me: Prom??
him: I really want to go with you but (I was like AHHHH at this point) I just waited too long to say anything, and I felt like an ass.
me: seriously, it's okay, because I already KNEW, cause some people told me, but I just wanted to know from you.
him: yeah, I just felt weird cause I wanted to say soemthing, but I just waited too long.
me: I totally understand, it's okay, I just wanted to hear it from you, ya know?
him: It was just that I waited too long.
me: (all giggly and happy) it's okay, cause I know now. so...

then I was like, lookin' at him for a billion seconds, and then he hugged me, and Chloe and Emmy (who were both hiding behind a tree, lol) like flipped out and started screaming.
so I went up to emmy's room, and started like jumping up and down and hugging her and stuff.
then, we walked to biology, and after I dropped her off, I went to the library and talked to Graham
then, after school, Chloe sameup to me and was like, "SOOO???" and I told her what went down,
and she said, "Well, do you like him?" and I looked away and was like, "yeahhh" and she started screaming and getting all excited.

but like, before lunch on this very day, I felt sooooo shitty.
I found out that one of my greatest heros in art and in life does heroin, and I was so freaked out. I guess it was mostly just everything all built up and that was the straw that broke the camels back. then, I had like ten minutes of alone time, and I felt better. so I was able to be around people again.
so anywya...

this is such a long entry.

today was sami's birthday, so like, yay!
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blargh. [Mar. 25th, 2007|11:03 pm]
I don't even know.
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wooahhahhahhhahahhaaahh [Mar. 24th, 2007|12:49 am]
livin' it up at orme has been nice.
finally got a cuteboy lined up for me to take,
and make mine, but this one keeps poppin' up and making me love him again.
fuckin' red heads.

from a drunken night loooonnng ago.
me:wanna hang out later since its like my last night to hang out before I leave?
him: oh fuck, I wish I could but I seriously have a huge paper due for class tomorrow and I'm probably going to work until bedtime. sorry. :(
me: :( really?
him: yeah
me: Well, I'm pretty wasted and I want to see you before I leave even if it's just for five minutes.
him: because you're wasted?
me: no, just cause I wanna see you.
him: I don't know if I can.
me: that's okay. your paper is more important.
him: ouch, to my mother it is.
me: yeah. what class is it for?
him: english 101
me: how's that treating you?
him: its tough.
me: I'll let you in so you can finish.
him: youll let me in?
me: haha. go not in. sorry.
him: be careful.
me: damnit ren. you're the only thing I want right now. why can't I have you?
him: because the world never promised to be kind, you know this.
me: why does it matter if the world promised?
him: you live there.
me: why are you doing this?
him: what am I doing? huh... is it gunna feel good to get angry?
me: yes, because I've been holding this anger in so long and I'm fed up.
him: go for it.
me: I'm fucking sick of this and I'm really horny, so you need to finish your paper and come make out with me.
him: hahaha, not while we're drunk miss.
me: come in an hour. I'll be sobered up by then.
him: But I'll be asleep. :)
me: don't let me down mister sewell.
me: I'm coming over.
him: don't you dare wake my mom up.
me: meet me somewhere, then.
him: hahaha, I have school, fun Ren is dead for a bit.
me: come on, you're breaking my heart here, mister.
him: I told you I hurt you. You knew.
me: so why do you let yourself hurt me?
him: because I MUST do this college, and well.
me: yeah, I know.
me: So I guess I'll see you when I get back.
him: ok, have a good trip.
me: yeah right. thanks.

that's when it went downhill and a few months later he broke my heart. but I think it's okay now.
because I know that true love hurrrttts.
man, I sound like a bad country song. I'm just really sad and nostalgic.
which are the same thing btw.

red heads.
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wishful. [Oct. 7th, 2006|12:05 pm]
[music |the doors]

I love all the lame pop-punk I've been listening to lately.
it's amazing.

my life right now is very mundane,
and I'm ready for that to change 100%, though it won't.
my parents should understand that I am a teenager, and that experimentation is in my nature.
taytay did it, my parents did it,
and yet they rip me out of my life and make me live the most boring life in the world.

regardless, they are teaching me exactly what I DON'T want to end up like.
I'll never live in suburbia,
I'll never be like them.
right now, I hate my parents.

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